The Unfinished Novel

This book is going nowhere. When the idea initially came to me excitement welled in my soul. I could not wait to get these characters down on paper. I flew through chapter one with ease. It is ingenious!

Chapter two caused me a little distress but after a month or so I was able to trudge through it and complete another amazing chapter. Then there’s chapter three…I’ve written all of two hundred words. And I have nothing left.

My outline sits on the desk beside me staring, wondering what happened. But I’ve already veered so far left that it’s impossible to circle back around and get back on track with my original plan. I’m not sure if I’ll make my deadline. I’m not even sure if this book will be ever be complete.

In the meantime, I’ve decided to read The Alchemist to get some distance between myself and this unfinished novel that’s causing me angst. What’s a writer to do when she can’t write? Read!

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A More Peaceful Life

When your paradigm shifts it can certainly make your head spin. I’m in the middle of a learning season and I thought I’d share a few thoughts with all of you.

Life is too short to spend time on things that do not matter to my destiny.

The coffee that was spilled, being late for work, the bill you forgot to pay: These things can be stressors in life. They can certainly cause an undue amount of frustration and anxiety. But in the grand scheme of things, when you add up the totality of your living, do they REALLY matter? I’m determined to take charge of my emotions and focus my living on the important aspects: God, family, friends, and health.

Writing can be difficult. 

Anyone who’s ever attempted to write a poem, essay, love letter or dissertation can cosign on this. I’m working on a new manuscript (click here or here for my books). And for the past month I’ve been stuck in the quicksand of chapter 2 in my next novel. It’s been heart wrenching to develop a particular character and give life to his story. There have been many days that not one word or phrase came to me. And even when the words did come, they wouldn’t flow very quickly. So, I took this particular chapter word by word, sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph. And today, I came to the end. Yes! I typed the last word, to the last sentence, to the last paragraph of chapter two. So, writing can be difficult, but if I push through the frustration and take it word by word, I’ll eventually create an amazing piece.

I’m not always right.

Yes, I think Denzel Washington is the best thing since sliced bread. But I realize that not everyone agrees with me (even thought they are idiots). This was helpful information to me this week when I had a conversation with someone about ways to deal with the death of a loved one. I accept the fact that everyone grieves in their own way and I should have respect for the process that people need to go through in order to maintain their mental health. Moreover, I realize that I need to express myself in an honest and respectful way instead of holding my thoughts in, creating anxiety or anger.

There are people who don’t like me. And there’s nothing I can do about it.

I want everybody to like me, because I like everybody (until you do something that makes me want to punch you in the face). But there is this person who, since the day we met, has been incredibly rude and mentally abusive…..and day by day it’s getting worse. I have racked my brain trying to figure out what I’ve said or done to this woman and I’ve come up with nothing. Mr. Incredible told me something that set me completely free: “Krystal, there are people that look you right in the face, laugh with you every day yet don’t like you. At least you know where this lady stands.” Thank you, Mr. Incredible for dropping that gem in my spirit.

These few weeks has been ones of reflection. I’m certainly growing and learning how to navigate life in a purposeful manner. Hopefully, I’ll be able to utilize what I’ve learned and move closer to living a more peaceful life.

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Things Fall Apart

Chinua Achebe Things Fall ApartThe world doesn’t feel right if I don’t have a book to read.  I’m lost unless there’s a novel tucked away in my purse waiting to be opened.

I can’t remember when I fell in love with reading. But I do remember getting lost in the pages of books.

And it still happens- this “getting lost”.  The world of the writer envelops me and I succumb to all the emotions and experiences of the characters. I just……get lost.

I love it.

Just today, I turned the last page of Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart.  It was astounding. Beautiful.  It was EVERYTHING!

At the University of South Carolina (back in the late 1990’s) I had an opportunity- through one of my many literature courses – to study the author.  I don’t remember much about the experience…only that Things Fall Apart was a compelling manuscript and a remarkable read.  It wasn’t until Achebe’s death in 2013 that the book was brought back to my remembrance.

Earlier this year when I began stalking Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie I realized that Things Fall Apart had to be added to my collection.

It is certainly an incredible story. When I got to the last page my mouth hung open at the realization that the book was over.  This happens often with novels that I love.  I get so lost in the words that I seldom realize I’m nearing the end.  And when I do-I’m devastated.

This book, as previously mentioned, is an incredible story.  Just as with Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s novels, Achebe gives me such a broader and more accurate view of Nigeria. I love it.

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Exercising My Faith, Part II

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Recently I had an opportunity to travel through the Appalachian Mountains.  It was my first experience driving in such terrain and I admit I was  extremely a bit nervous.

As I approached Greenville, South Carolina I gazed in awe at the massive mountains in the distance.  The closer I drove towards them, the faster my heart beat.  Once I passed Asheville, North Carolina my hands were sweaty and my head was pounding.  But I knew I had to face the tremendous hurdle that had me filled with anxiety.

The trip was awful.  Absolutely, positively awful.  The winding roads, limited visibility, overlooking cliffs, and danger of falling rocks were overwhelming burdens I had to bear.  My paralyzing fear was too much–TOO MUCH.

I was relieved when I had made it safely to my destination. But my consolation was short lived because I knew I would have to travel back down that same road to get home.  I tossed and turned all night, crippled by the fear of the mountain. The next morning I had a full-blown, never-before experienced anxiety attack.  I couldn’t bare the thought of traveling that road again.  I was completely terrified.  My body shook with terror and my tears blinded me.  But there was nothing for me to do except go back down the mountain.

Before I began my terrible trek, my sister reminded me of a scripture: ” If ye have faith as a grain of a mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove…” Matthew 17:20. That scripture gave me some consolation as I began my journey. For the next 45 minutes, as I traveled down the narrow, winding cliff I sang Donnie McClurkin’s “Great Is Your Mercy.” And as I gripped my steering wheel for dear life, I could literally feel angels surrounding my car. It was remarkable. I could ACTUALLY feel the angels covering me. I continued to sing until I had made it back into North Carolina… away from the mountains.

I stopped my car at a gas station and praised God for deliverance and protection. This was a true lesson in exercising my belief in God. Now, this experience has opened up a new level of faith in my life. I’m so thankful to God. I know that with Him all things are possible. Really. That trip was amazing. And God’s grace is sufficient.

For more on my ever increasing faith, click here.

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My Sadistic Personal Trainer

Over the past three weeks I’ve experienced instances of near paralysis due to extreme exercise forced upon me by my sadistic personal trainer.

This is no joke. I think they she is crazy….or at the very least, doesn’t understand how completely out of shape I am.

They have coerced my body into positions that I thought not humanly possible. I have been stretched to my physical, mental, and emotional limits.

I have complained. I have cursed. But I did not die. Moreover, I have done everything they have told me to do.

It’s still early, so I haven’t noticed any changes in my body yet (besides inexplicably sore muscles). But I’m dedicated to this process. I hate it with every fiber of my being, but I’m dedicated.

I’ll keep you updated on my process. Read more about my fitness journey by clicking here… Taking Charge of My Health .

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Nikki Giovanni, My Hero

photo (24)-aSometimes, something really, really amazing happens to me. And that thing, whatever it is leaves me stupefied. One of those things happened to me last week.

Opening my mailbox I was astounded by all the junk mail I had received that day. I flipped through the circulars and came across an envelope addressed to me. The return address was Virginia Tech.

I carefully unsealed the envelope and read the note. It was from Nikki Giovanni! Yeah, you read right. THE Nikki Giovanni! She stated she had read my latest book and called it “strong and wonderful”. Wow!

I had the opportunity to meet Nikki Giovanni at The University of South Carolina in 1998. I stood in the middle of a crowded room and told her “It’s not often that one gets to meet her hero. Well, today, I’ve met mine.” Then I burst into a shameful display of tears and snot. But I didn’t care, because…it was NIKKI GIOVANNI!

She signed my notebook of badly written poems and I told her that her signature would serve as good luck to me because I had hopes of one day becoming a published author. She laughed. But I believed what I said. And of course, years later, my words came true.

Nikki Giovanni has inspired me in ways I could never verbalize. I love her writing. She’s so truthful and matter-of-fact. I love it. I only hope to become half as prolific as her.

Now, I must find the perfect frame to display the note in because….it’s from NIKKI GIOVANNI! It must be displayed!

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Separation Anxiety: Parent Edition

President of Georgia Jr. Beta Club at the National Jr. Beta Club Leadership Conference in Greeneville, TN

President of Georgia Jr. Beta Club at the National Jr. Beta Club Leadership Conference in Greeneville, TN

We have a very close knit family. My children, ages 12, 9 and 5, haven’t been away from us but once when Mr. Incredible and I headed to Miami for a conference in 2011.

So you can imagine how difficult it must have been for us to send our 12 year old off to the Tennessee mountains for the National Jr. Beta Club Leadership Conference. She’ll be gone for five days.

Last night I had a really bad mommy moment where I got down about her not being at home. While I know she’s having an awesome time with her new found friends, I couldn’t shake the feeling of uselessness.

This is the third day of her trip and to say that our conversations with her have been scant is an understatement. The only time she communicates with us is when we initiate a text message once a day.

She’s sent a few pics and a video of her experiences but its obvious that she isn’t thinking about us one bit. That makes me sad. I feel like she doesn’t need me. And it’s the worst feeling for a mom to feel irrelevant in the lives of her children.

She’s having fun. I guess that’s all that matters. And she’s gaining leadership experience and enjoying learning new things, which I’m thrilled about. But she’s only 12. She’s still my baby. And I miss her.

Friday can’t come soon enough.

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Taking Charge of My Health

exercise (1)With each passing birthday my list of health concerns grows. I find that I’m visiting the doctor more and sharing problems with her that are reminiscent of my parent’s complaints: extreme exhaustion, lack of energy, constant headaches, insomnia.

Years ago, when my doctor told me I had arthritis in my knees I was shocked. But I attributed it to years of cheering and being a cheer coach.

And when I saw a sleep specialist and was diagnosed with sleep apnea it scared me.  The doctor assured me that sleep apnea was heredity, but could be controlled with weight loss. So, I took my CPAP machine home, and considered loosing weight.

Then a few months ago I was stricken with a terrible case of vertigo. It was an awful ordeal….one that I wouldn’t wish on an enemy. I was incapacitated for days. I laid in bed thinking how scary my circumstances were and how I have to make an effort to get better.

For the next few months I pondered how I should go about this life change. I began drinking water and went on a walk or two. But I knew I needed to find a way to stay committed to my health. So yesterday, I joined a gym. This is my second, or third go round with being a member of a gym.

My first two tries were unsuccessful. I wasted an exorbitant amount of money because my gym membership just sat….unused.

This time, I decided to get an accountability partner. Along with joining the gym I hired a personal trainer. And I actually gave him my REAL phone number…which means I can’t hide. He can call me and force  me to get my butt to the gym.

My first appointment is in a few days and I’m a little bit nervous because I’m not used to being pushed out of my comfort zone. And breaking a sweat is waaaaayyyyyyy out of my comfort zone. To ease my nervousness I took a Zumba class this morning.

It went OK. I was at least able to keep up with the instructor for the first 10 minutes. But soon after that my felt my heart bursting out of my chest and my knees cracking under the pressure. And while I didn’t stop, I certainly slowed down my pace. So yeah, I gave a half-assed effort for the remainder of the class.
But I certainly didn’t quit.

And I guess that’s the most important part….I didn’t quit.

Do you have experience with a personal trainer? What has been your exercise experience? Let me know in the comments.

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Our Couple’s Massage

The Art of Touch Mr. Incredible and I are massage connoisseurs! Yes, we are experts in the art of getting massages. We’ve been rubbed down by the best…..and the worst of them.

So when he told me that we’d be trying this new therapeutic massage center in Atlanta I was quite excited.

The space was beautiful…..a simply decorated, calming space that immediately put us at ease upon walking through the doors.

Our massage therapists introduced themselves and asked a few questions about our general health. Once we were lead to our massage room I quickly warned my therapist that I am abnormally ticklish and she should not be distracted by my incessant laughter.

(Remind me to tell you about my experience a few years ago in Braselton, Ga with a very rude masseuse that was visibly bothered by my laughter and nearly threw me out of the room.)

Once we disrobed we made ourselves comfortable on our individual massage tables and waited for the therapists to reenter.

Within minutes I had become totally relaxed and began to drift somewhere in between sleep and alertness as the massage therapist began my massage.

She was extraordinary. Her expertise was evident as she concentrated on my tightly wound muscles.

Our hour long couple’s massages were such  needed stress reliefs. After our therapy session our masseuses spent time talking with us about ways we could relieve tension at home. They gave us lots of advice about how to take care of our bodies in between massage sessions.

Long after our session ended Mr. Incredible and I sat on the plush couches in a fantastic lounge area sipping water and admiring the breathtaking artwork that lined the walls and the amazing view of midtown Atlanta.

It was an absolutely enjoyable experience and we cannot wait to visit again. Our  14th wedding anniversary is coming up in a few months and I’d LOVE to go back to celebrate.

If you’re looking for a great gift idea for a loved one, or if you need a massage yourself,  I’m certain you should try a therapy session at The Art of Touch.

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A Lesson in Exercising My Faith

tumblr_m4gfh1mqJT1qhmhdfo1_500Exercising one’s faith takes a great deal of determination.  Its difficult to believe a thing when all your senses point to rejection. A few days ago I had an amazing opportunity to work at incredible company.  I was ecstatic at the chance.

I felt that this was the place God wanted me to be. On a large white board in my home office I wrote a declaration that I would be employed by the company.  I spoke that declaration every day leading up to the moment of the interview.  I continuously thanked God for the job offer I had yet to receive. I believed!

The interview went swimmingly well. I was a bit nervous- but I remained confident that the job was mine.

Receiving The Call

My interview was on a Monday.  I spent that evening and all of the next day thanking God for giving me this job.  It wasn’t easy . And doubt would often push its way in my thoughts. But I replaced that doubt with praise for my new position.  Wednesday morning I received the call. “Mrs. Grant, we would like to offer you the position.” I was beyond excited! I was careful to thank God for honoring my faith and helping me land the job.  I was so thankful.  This was the first instance in my entire life that I had truly exercised my faith in god. I was astounded.

The Next Day

Thursday afternoon, still reeling from my triumph, I received another phone call. “Mrs. Grant, we have to rescind the offer.” Through no fault of my own  the job that I had been offered just 24 hours before was now being taken back from me.   The company had decided that the position was, in fact, not available.  I was incredibly disappointed.

Remaining Faithful

Though disappointed and shaken by this news, my faith in God and his willingness to act on my behalf remains in tact.  I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. But I do know that God is already there waiting for me.

What disappointments have you faced in your life that have tested your faith? Let me know in the comments.

Click here to read “Exercising My Faith,Part II”

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