There comes a time when you have to accept your life for what it is. This acceptance does not mean that you succumb to whatever dissatisfaction you may feel.
It means that you move into a place where you are able to adequately evaluate your life and begin making any needed changes. It can be a difficult, slow-going process.
This is where I am now. That slow-going, gut wrenching, painful process of change.
There’s no clear cut path for me to follow. It’s sort of like I’m in a heavily wooded forest wielding a machete, trying to forge a path for myself. I know where I want to go- out of these damn trees- but not quite sure of the quickest exit.
When Jesus and his disciples was in the boat during a terrible wind storm his disciples were terrified by the rocking of the vessel. They awoke Jesus, who was asleep on a pillow and asked him why he wasn’t concerned that they will die. Jesus calmed the storm by saying “Peace, be still”. Then he asked his disciples “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?”
My lesson from this scripture is even though I may be surrounded by storms and my boat may rock back and forth with great force, I should, because of my faith in The Almighty, be able to have a calm, sensible spirit.
I thank God for his grace, because I’m not there yet. I’m a work in progress.
Certainly, “fashionista” would not accurately describe me. But I’ve been known to throw together a cute outfit or two. Today, I scored big with my attire. I’ve had this dress so long that I can’t remember where it was purchased.
And because I couldn’t find the belt that I normally wear with it, I pulled a leopard print belt from my closet that I don’t think I’ve ever worn. Well, I’m glad I paired the two together because this leopard belt added a special flare to the dress that wasn’t there before.
My two inch ankle boots and black tights pulled the smock together beautifully. And the hat…..I love this hat. It came from Target years ago and I always pull it from my closet when I
don’t feel like doing my hair need it.
Now for the pose…. I’ve never posed like this for a picture…ever. I usually don my “pouty mouth” when taking a photo, or plaster a big smile across my face. But today, I was really feeling myself so I decided to try to be all high fashion. Look out, Vogue! Here I come.
It’s been an uphill battle. Every sentence that I’ve successfully put on paper has been like pulling teeth, snatching hair out of my head. I’ve painstakingly made it to chapter four. That’s a total of nearly fifty pages; fifty hard-to-come-by pages.
My head hurts and I’m trying to ward off frustration the best way I know how. My previous novels weren’t nearly this difficult to write. The Miseducation of Ms. G was written in only three weeks. Three weeks! Of course, it took me months to edit the manuscript. But at least the story was already put on paper. All that was left to do was make it luminous.
For months I’ve struggled with the direction of this book. I’ve outlined the chapters- then quickly veered away from the outline. I finally decided it was time to do a little research. I made an appointment with a professor at Spelman College. I wanted to spend time on campus, sit in a few classes, ingest the air.
The time I spent at the Atlanta University Center was amazing. It was awesome to be back in an academic environment after spending years away from the education system. Spelman, Morehouse and Clark Atlanta University provided me with much needed inspiration to recalibrate my creativity and make my manuscript flourish.
I have pages and pages of notes to sift through. And I’m ready to tackle my characters and bring more of their stories to life. This book may get written after all.
Wouldn’t life be grand if we all worked diligently to fulfill out dreams instead of just dreaming? Admittedly, I’ve been idle. Much of my time has been consumed with finishing this book before the end of 2014 so I haven’t done much else besides write.
But there are two things that keep nagging at me. I can’t really explain why I keep thinking about these two things. Maybe it’s because 2015 is right around the corner, or maybe it’s because my 40th birthday is creeping closer and closer. Whatever the reason, I’ve decided to share them with you. Here are the things I want to do:
1) Learn how to sew. I took home economics in middle school and we made pillows. I picked this cute navy blue pattern and successfully sewed my fabric together and stuffed it with cotton. That is the extent of my sewing experience. Lately, I’ve become obsessed with Mimi G Style. She’s a fashion blogger who gives online sewing tutorials. She is all kinds of fabulous and is a master at making clothes. I’ve looked into sewing classes at my local fabric store and just need to push my fear aside and sign up.
2) Take piano lessons. My daughter is a flautist and my son just started taking trumpet lessons. So each night, I’m listening to both of them practice their instruments and talk excitedly about learning new music. This has reignited my interest in learning to play the piano. Many years ago, my cousin taught me how to play a song on the piano. And any time I get in front of a piano, I play that song with joy. I wish I were more skilled at playing music.
So that’s it. Those are the two things that have been nagging at me. Is there anything that you want to learn to do, accomplish or complete? Let me know in the comments.
Target stores make me incredibly happy. I don’t know what it is about walking through the aisles that gives me insurmountable joy. Maybe the red dots give me a boost of energy that causes my endorphins to increase.
I seldom walk out of the store empty handed. And my recent shopping trip was no exception. Here are some fabulous things I found.
I’ve been eyeing this purse for months. It’s sturdy, spacious and beautiful. Those three components are exactly what I need in a purse.
For years I’ve been hearing about beauty vlogger turned entrepreneur, Michelle Phan. Her success is legendary. But I had no idea she had become an author.
Admittedly, I have a hate-hate relationship with football. I care nothing about the sport and cannot WAIT until the season is over. But I couldn’t let these fabulous Falcons’ booties pass me by. They look so comfortable!
I’m anxious to visit Target again to grab hold of more awesome finds.
Viva Glam VI has been my lip color for years….many, many years. I’m certainly a creature of habit.
When I find something I like, I obsess over it and stick with it for a long time. So, although I’ve thought about it for a while, I haven’t been able to find a new color that suits me.
This past weekend, using the Back to Mac offer, I go into the store and ask the makeup artist to help me select a lipstick. He immediately looked at me and said “Let’s Try Pink Nouveau“. I easily agreed because he seemed so sure it was a perfect fit for me.
And he was right! I absolutely LOVE this new lip color. I’ve worn it everyday this week and it’s worked out beautifully. Do you wear Mac makeup? What’s your favorite lip color?
This book is being written in pieces. I have pieces of storylines haphazardly placed on scraps of paper that are currently lounging on my bedroom floor.
I have pieces of character descriptions etched on church bulletins that are tucked away in various books of my Bible. (I get quite inspired in church).
There are paragraphs taking up storage space in the notes section of my iPad. And then there’s this 12,800 word manuscript with which I’m currently consumed. (Yes! 12,000 words means I’m halfway there! Whoo Hoo!)
I’ve poured much of my heart and soul into this manuscript. And I have to say that it’s every bit of awesome. It’s been said that publishing a book is like giving birth to a baby.
And if that is true then the writing process is very much like pregnancy….painful yet pleasurable, exhilarating yet exhausting. For the past few months I’ve been completing the painstaking task of composing sentences that will combine to create this book.
And Im in love with what I’ve written so far. I can’t wait to find out how it all ends. This will be glorious.
Silence is a luxury. In a world where everyone and everything is “turned on” quiet is no more.
And my home is a microcosm of the world. With three lively kids living under my roof, silence has no room here.
Everyday, I search high and low for a quiet space in my house. But there is none to be found.
Even behind a locked bedroom door the sound of little knuckles knocking tentatively comes through.
“Can I have a juice box.”
And then that masterful sentence that had taken residence in my head swiftly vanishes, never to be seen again.
I could certainly go to a library and confine myself to a study room for hours. I’d surely knock out more than a few chapters. But who’d do the laundry, or vacuum the carpet or iron the clothes?
What an awesome writing desk! I stumbled upon this gem a few weeks ago while shopping in Sam’s Club Wholesale and instantly fell in love.
I imagine myself sitting in my home office at this Collin’s oak-wood desk with the sun shining on my face through the blinds writing the next literary masterpiece.
I want this desk so badly. Yet, the $249 price tag does not agree with my bank account. Thus, I left it in the store. But not before taking a few pictures to ingrain the image in my memory.
This book is going nowhere. When the idea initially came to me excitement welled in my soul. I could not wait to get these characters down on paper. I flew through chapter one with ease. It is ingenious!
Chapter two caused me a little distress but after a month or so I was able to trudge through it and complete another amazing chapter. Then there’s chapter three…I’ve written all of two hundred words. And I have nothing left.
My outline sits on the desk beside me staring, wondering what happened. But I’ve already veered so far left that it’s impossible to circle back around and get back on track with my original plan. I’m not sure if I’ll make my deadline. I’m not even sure if this book will be ever be complete.
In the meantime, I’ve decided to read The Alchemist to get some distance between myself and this unfinished novel that’s causing me angst. What’s a writer to do when she can’t write? Read!